So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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