Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he thought i was a dude.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Houston, we have a blender
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
