There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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