I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
