Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
