Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
