my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
