What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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