if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
