last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
