it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
