I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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