OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize