I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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