Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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