I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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