this beer tastes like vomit already
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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