bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize