My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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