i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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