sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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