cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
