the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
