You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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