wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
