your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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