At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
