is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
