you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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