you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
