Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
