if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize