I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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