Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize