Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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