I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
