ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
