So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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