Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
