so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
