She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
