so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
