hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
