Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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