i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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