the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We need to get me chipped asap
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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