Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize