I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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