Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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