your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
