Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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