I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
