Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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