Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
