I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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