I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
