There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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