shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
