youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
