His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
