I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
