I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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