She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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