He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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