FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize