I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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