just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
